Thursday, December 14, 2006


The House of Bedrest and Sloth

I'm a stay at home mom. Me. The one with anxiety and PPD and all kinds of impatient tendencies. And now my charges include Mel, who after one emergency trip to the midwife on Thursday with contractions 3 minutes apart, followed it up with a second emergency trip on Monday with bleeding. The verdict:

She's 2 cm dilated, fully engaged, and 33 weeks pregnant. Therefore, in the great American tradition of worthless prescriptions, on full-time bedrest. This means she grows steadily weaker and more bored while I grow steadily more anxious and impatient.

Alice lounges on the airbed, smacking the television for kicks to keep the atmosphere light.

I make toxic Tang flavored magnesium supplement and chamomile tea and orange juice (for washing down the Valerian tincture) every 4 hours. I do not clean the house. Pregnant women get up to go to the bathroom and fall on the slippery floors. Occasionally, I think about paying the bills or shopping. I also wash baby sheets and clothes in anticipation of a non-breathing, non-temperature regulating, insufficiently immune bubby making its way into the world at any time. At least it would be a tax write-off.

Hopefully my efforts will keep the kid inside another 3 weeks.

Well Mel just looks incredibly tourtured in that picture.... poor thing. You must begin to make lists so that everyday you can check off thing that you accomplish and it makes you feel good! Hoave we found out about the waiver yet? Hmmmm???? Because I believe that 36 weeks and 1 day is a completly acceptable time in which one should be allowed to give birth, as long as the midwife will still attend. Plus I have the whole week between Christmas and New Years off so that would just fit in my schedule better too :-)
I will look into scheduling the birth to accommodate your time off :)
Oh ignore her. She's a dolt.
However, I can't imagine Mel being happy for another three weeks. And 36 weeks really should be just fine to have a baby. Without problems. 37 would probably be better, but not if Mel starts making lists of why she hates her life or anything...
We will be there this weekend to make everything better and shiny and new. While you and I car seat shop and wrangle chitlins, my domestic wifey will get your house sparkling and new while simultaneously teaching Mel a second language and decorating the nursery in a genitally appropriate theme. She'll also write your wills.
Speaking of which, you never told me if you wanted to copy our super official ones. They're saved on the computer, all you have to do is change the names (please change the names. Please. I don't want some hospital calling me to come consent to surgery or anything).
Awww, come on. Just say yes. Mel never needed that appendix. We have wills. But we need Florida specifics like med. poweer of attorney, which apparently is wildly different in different states. Especially those with well-documented cases of national moral newscircus panic over right to die issues. Oh, and a new guardianship for the new bub.
I was hanging out up on the Third Floor and read that Mel is in dire need of time gobbling sites. All I can suggest is getting on MySpace and stalking every single person that you may have ever known. It keeps me busy for at least 25 hours out of the 40 that I should be working. I've moved beyond the people I know and now I'm working on the people that I know's people that they know. It's sad, really.

Or she could start a blog. Or a government. Or a scrapbook of Alice. And one for Alice. Or plan out what she is going to do for every minute of the day after the baby is born. I did that, and actually followed it, to a certain point. Cleaning toilets was a scheduled activity for my maternity leave (Tuesday mornings). And I sit for hours and wonder why I'm so damned nuts...
Hi. I'm a lurker that found your blog through Lora's blog. I'm de-lurking because I've been wondering how you guys are doing! I hope everything is okay!
Just thought I'd say Hey!!!! We you the one who was asking me where I was working on the internet? Take it easy, I'm enjoying this California weather!!!! I just moved here from the east sooooo :)

I made an extra $2000 a Month Using this site!!
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?