Thursday, November 02, 2006


Auctioneer, my new career

Sellout, you may say. Why am I hocking uninspired Canadian baby crib shoes with all kinds of offensive gender iconography when there are 4 Tibetian ethnic groups sewing brilliant little toesie warmers and who are in need of some serious exposure? Because they sell better. Maybe the bible guys at Walmart are right and I AM going straight to hell.

Need more evidence? Mel is stalking Elmo Tracker to scam innocent parents out of Elmo dolls and sell them at auction for twice the retail price. In our defense, we maintain that this is a PARENT inspired capitalist fad driven in no way by actual children who seriously want that doll. No kid is seriously asking for 10th-anniversary Elmo for Christmas. If they are, well, perhaps their parents should be made a bit poorer and kept a little real.

We moved here to do this flood thingamajig and lo and saw the hurricane seasaon. No lives lost, no floods to be seen. So we're kicking around the house all day. Eventually our savings will run out (we're not heiresses) so we putz around here all day buying up discount Robeez and selling them on eBay for a profit. If I could do this full time, I'd be a happy kid, since I wouldn't technically need to leave bed all day. but the truth is, I'll probably be doing it until we get back from our out-of-state birth, then taking a job as a high school teacher or something for the spring semester until hurricane season starts anew.

Or until my father-in-law snags a sewing machine at a garage sale and I become the world's premiere auction cotton diaper maker.

Come to think of it, that would be good karma for the wrath I'm inflicting upon the world right now by taking advantage of vulnerable parents at Christmas time. But hey, we gotta eat. We got a baby on the way!

So, do I get a discount?
What are we doing this weekend? It's been THREE WHOLE WEEKS and I am DYING to know if Mel looks pregnant yet!
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