Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Advice from Strangers Appreciated
So I get this email from my mom that she went to the emergency clinic due to an overzealous Joan Baez clapping accident and the resulting throbbing hand that it produced. They discovered that her blood pressure was 200/100 and ordered an ambulance for her to go off to the hospital where they asked her if she was short of breath or having chest pains. "What about my hand?" she asked. I guess they ignored it, much to her dismay and another sleepless night sent home on nothing but blood pressure pills.
And I am not worried about her (still too much shit to really deal with in the mommy department) but I do pop my own xanax and worry about my own forthcoming heart attack, since I am just as wound up as her at a much younger age. Tomorrow I'm going to Walmart to check my blood pressure, which is always super low, but it's only a matter of time with my constant stress levels, isn't it? Did I mention that FOUR members of my family have had surgery this week? Aunt (uterine abruption), Cousin (arm broken in 2 places), other Aunt (gall bladder full of gangrene), and Grandpa (circumcision...but I'm not supposed to spill the beans about that one...shhhh). Wow. We are a sickly people.
To add to the drama, Mel got back from her midwife appt. this morning after having the so-called glucose tolerance test. Or as I like to call it: the normal vs. more normal sugar test that proves nothing other than we like to cause pregnant women pain for no proven benefit test. Which is why I wasn't there. Pissed, pissed, that I can't be a part of her prenatal care since because the tests "ordered" (you know, as opposed to chosen freely by informed patients in a way more befitting a human rights approach to health care).
So she returns, and they've ordered an emergency ultrasound for tomorrow morning. She is measuring 5 weeks behind. I'm not sure how this is possible, since when we were there FOUR weeks ago she was measuring to the day. Can a fetus shrink? The midwife said that she can fudge it and make it look like 3 1/2 weeks behind if she measures liberally. Either way, that's a big change from last time. So, we're going to find out why. Several points to ponder:
1. Fundal height measurements are considered wildly laughable by some. But then again, so are measurements taken by ultrasound. We all know someone who was induced/given a c-section because the baby was "too big" only to deliver a normal sized baby who wasn't ready to be born. Charlie, you are a crazy exception, my little man.
2. Small framed people (ahem, Mel) and those with very long tosos (likewise suspicious suspect in house) are also more likely to measure small.
3. That does explain her smallness, but not the fact that she's always measured right on. The midwife did seem heartened by this tidbit, though.
4. Please tell my that the baby has a brain. Just tell me. I KNOW it does. Just tell me. Please.
5. And what now seems like the most frivolous thing on the planet...should I find out the sex at the ultrasound. We have really only ended up with "emergency" ultrasounds in our pregnancies. Not into baby surveillance. But this time we want to dot our i's and cross our t's since we're giving birth in Massachusetts for legal reasons and want to show up looking compliant and low-risk, if at all possible. So we do what they tell us. And we go for our ordered ultrasounds. So, given that we're going ANYWAY, and given that no one in the house feels very close to Nugget right now, do you think I should have a secret with Nugget for the rest of the pregnancy (I would not tell Mel or Alice if I found out). Would you spy?
And I am not worried about her (still too much shit to really deal with in the mommy department) but I do pop my own xanax and worry about my own forthcoming heart attack, since I am just as wound up as her at a much younger age. Tomorrow I'm going to Walmart to check my blood pressure, which is always super low, but it's only a matter of time with my constant stress levels, isn't it? Did I mention that FOUR members of my family have had surgery this week? Aunt (uterine abruption), Cousin (arm broken in 2 places), other Aunt (gall bladder full of gangrene), and Grandpa (circumcision...but I'm not supposed to spill the beans about that one...shhhh). Wow. We are a sickly people.
To add to the drama, Mel got back from her midwife appt. this morning after having the so-called glucose tolerance test. Or as I like to call it: the normal vs. more normal sugar test that proves nothing other than we like to cause pregnant women pain for no proven benefit test. Which is why I wasn't there. Pissed, pissed, that I can't be a part of her prenatal care since because the tests "ordered" (you know, as opposed to chosen freely by informed patients in a way more befitting a human rights approach to health care).
So she returns, and they've ordered an emergency ultrasound for tomorrow morning. She is measuring 5 weeks behind. I'm not sure how this is possible, since when we were there FOUR weeks ago she was measuring to the day. Can a fetus shrink? The midwife said that she can fudge it and make it look like 3 1/2 weeks behind if she measures liberally. Either way, that's a big change from last time. So, we're going to find out why. Several points to ponder:
1. Fundal height measurements are considered wildly laughable by some. But then again, so are measurements taken by ultrasound. We all know someone who was induced/given a c-section because the baby was "too big" only to deliver a normal sized baby who wasn't ready to be born. Charlie, you are a crazy exception, my little man.
2. Small framed people (ahem, Mel) and those with very long tosos (likewise suspicious suspect in house) are also more likely to measure small.
3. That does explain her smallness, but not the fact that she's always measured right on. The midwife did seem heartened by this tidbit, though.
4. Please tell my that the baby has a brain. Just tell me. I KNOW it does. Just tell me. Please.
5. And what now seems like the most frivolous thing on the planet...should I find out the sex at the ultrasound. We have really only ended up with "emergency" ultrasounds in our pregnancies. Not into baby surveillance. But this time we want to dot our i's and cross our t's since we're giving birth in Massachusetts for legal reasons and want to show up looking compliant and low-risk, if at all possible. So we do what they tell us. And we go for our ordered ultrasounds. So, given that we're going ANYWAY, and given that no one in the house feels very close to Nugget right now, do you think I should have a secret with Nugget for the rest of the pregnancy (I would not tell Mel or Alice if I found out). Would you spy?
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And you say MEL'S family is accident prone?
Oh man... nugget. I am totally shocked by this. Seeing as how AJ was at almost 43 weeks and I was having a nervous breakdown and they were still all "eh, babies are babies, leave them alone." I'm really... not scared of course, just shocked that they ordered an u/s. But of course Nugget has a brain. I'm telling you, Mel just doesn't have a liver of gall bladder, that's how she makes room for the baby.
About the sex, well... I too was SUPER tempted to find out and not tell. But I resisted. And I am glad I didn't know. But is it going to make you feel closer to sit there and rub her belly and think "wow, you have a scrotum?" If it is, well... you're an interesting breed.
You know, if you find out and need to tell someone, you can always tell Charlie. He's good at keeping secrets.
PLEASE call tomorrow and let us know about the baby. Are they sending you to Brandon, or doing it at the clinic?
Oh man... nugget. I am totally shocked by this. Seeing as how AJ was at almost 43 weeks and I was having a nervous breakdown and they were still all "eh, babies are babies, leave them alone." I'm really... not scared of course, just shocked that they ordered an u/s. But of course Nugget has a brain. I'm telling you, Mel just doesn't have a liver of gall bladder, that's how she makes room for the baby.
About the sex, well... I too was SUPER tempted to find out and not tell. But I resisted. And I am glad I didn't know. But is it going to make you feel closer to sit there and rub her belly and think "wow, you have a scrotum?" If it is, well... you're an interesting breed.
You know, if you find out and need to tell someone, you can always tell Charlie. He's good at keeping secrets.
PLEASE call tomorrow and let us know about the baby. Are they sending you to Brandon, or doing it at the clinic?
Well I am one to believe that if Mel thinks all is okay, then I am sure it is. And did they determine which way the nugget was laying? Because that can totally distort the fundul height. Let us know what you find out to day. And Charlie sends Alice some love as he tries to kiss the computer screen!
Thank you! I guess I won't talk to the scrotum...but that could make for some interesting conversations: "Pssst, fetusino the younger (Alice, obviously, being the elder)... Hehehe, I know you have a scrotum! Do you like it? I don't have one, so I wouldn't know. I'm sure you'll grow to enjoy it. Well, anyway, don't tell mom!"
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